Cut Fine Diamond
2011
Engagement ring?
My boyfriend of 4 years is planning on proposing to me in a few months. One day he wanted to go in Zales and look at rings. The one he kept pushing turned out to be the one he’s hoping to get me.. but to tell you the truth I hate it. It’s a past present future ring, which is fine, but i HATE the cut of the diamonds. Even later on when I tried to convey how much I prefer a certain cut.. his heart is set on getting me that exact ring because he just thinks it’s perfect I guess. And he keeps going on about how the ring will be special because it’s what he chose for me not just what I told him to buy… which I haven’t been pressing the issue… I don’t care what style he buys… it’s just the cut of the diamond I have a preference on. Is there anyway to convince him to consider my opinion without hurting his feelings?
Sit him down quietly and let him know you love that he wants to give you a beautiful ring, then tell him flat out this isn’t one you will love. Ask him to please consider something – anything – in the cut you prefer.
This ring is going to be on your finger for the rest of your life. All you’re asking is that he choose something in a cut you like. I know he’s excited about his choice, but he needs to understand that you’re the one who’s going to wear it and your tastes and preferences need to be considered.
I don’t agree at all with the ‘shut up and be grateful’ school of engagement ring acceptance. Yes, it’s a symbol and not the relationship…but symbols matter. If you hate the symbol chosen and you’re stuck with it forever, that’s not a happy thing. This isn’t a case of it’s not precisely the ring you had in mind, either, or pouting about a lack of carats, but something you actively dislike. What’s more, he’s not listening when you tell him that.
Since he hasn’t got the ring yet, now is the time to let him know squarely that you dislike that ring because the cut of the stones is all wrong for you. Say it flat out while he’s listening. Yes, it’s probably going to hurt his feelings. But he’s been refusing to listen to you since he spotted that ring, and that’s been hurting your feelings. Your feelings matter, too.
I think if my guy had pointed out an engagement ring he wanted to give me and I’d said I prefered something different, he’d have listened to what I said. As it was, it’s a good thing he let me pick it out because he’d never in a million years have chosen what I did and he was thinking about it all backwards from what I was thinking. Once he was assured I really did want that silver frog prince as an engagement ring, he said okay and bought it…at great savings to himself.
The point isn’t that I chose for myself, but that my guy LISTENED when I told him what I wanted. Your guy isn’t listening. He needs to start listening, because communication is important in a marriage and you can’t communicate well without hearing what the other person is saying.
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